Saturday, November 20, 2004
Monumental Task
(Sent to us by Martha Branson of Ga)
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument of John Kerry. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Kerry in Washington, DC Hall Of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since John boy could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's widow's money.
If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Thanks to Martha Branson of Ga
(Sent to us by Martha Branson of Ga)
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument of John Kerry. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Kerry in Washington, DC Hall Of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since John boy could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's widow's money.
If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Thanks to Martha Branson of Ga
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Leno
John Kerry said yesterday, "In an American election, there is no loser." Uh, earth to John!
It’s gotta be tough for John Kerry. You know what must be tough about losing a presidential election? That last day of secret service protection. I mean, do you even get them for the whole day? You know like mid-afternoon you come walking out of the 7-11, "fellas? Bob? Larry?”
Actually President Bush received a very gracious concession call from John Kerry. And a very gracious collect call from Ralph Nader.
You got to feel a little sorry for Kerry. Not only did he lose the presidency, but he was really looking forward to having Teresa Heinz move into one of his houses for a change.
Wow. What a crowd! You sound like Hillary Clinton when she heard John Kerry had lost.
John Kerry would’ve conceded earlier today, but he had to meet with the French, Germans and Russians first. Get their feelings on the whole situation.
It was a very good concession speech. John Kerry said he’d like to wrap us up in his arms and give us each a big hug. Great. NOW he starts campaigning like Bill Clinton ... maybe if he’d done that in the beginning ...
Kerry didn’t take it too good this morning. I understand he was so upset last night he tossed and turned all night in his tanning bed.
Letterman
John Kerry is in real trouble, though. He really needs to win the debate tonight.
Do you remember when Kerry went duck hunting in Ohio a few weeks ago? I think that was a mistake. George Bush easily carried the duck vote.
Now that John Kerry won’t be president, he can go back to being a senator, windsurfing and being a billionaire.
The bad thing is that John Kerry was looking forward to being president for one reason – spending less time with his wife.
Conan
John Kerry gave a concession speech earlier and said that he wanted to hug all of his supporters. Upon hearing this, Ralph Nader said he was able to hug all of his.
Leno
In the last few days it’s really gotten vicious. Like today the Bush campaign accused the Kerry campaign of distorting their deceptions.
Teresa Heinz Kerry said that Laura Bush has never had a real job. Teresa is a translator. She’s been a translator for two years. Hey, let me tell you, Laura Bush has been a translator for the last 35 years!
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn’t bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.
It’s getting ugly and uglier out there - Teresa Heinz Kerry said she doesn’t know if Laura Bush has ever held a real job. Laura Bush fired back - she said she was busy raising three kids - Barbara, Jenna, and George W. that is a full time job.
Both candidates are trying to scare voters for votes in the last weeks of the campaign. And they’re doing a pretty good job. Voters are petrified that on November 2nd they’re actually going to have to pick one of these guys. What’s scarier than that?
The Kerry campaign announced today they will have "10,000 lawyers at the polls in battle ground states.” 10,000 lawyers. Well, let’s hope you don’t slip and fall on the sidewalk outside a polling place. You could be buried alive in business cards.
Neither Bush or Kerry have gotten a flu shot and both said today they won’t get one. Ralph Nader also said he wasn’t getting a flu shot. Though in his case he doesn’t need one, because he doesn’t come in contact with any large crowds.
Letterman
In Ohio today John Kerry was duck hunting. This was all part of his pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them.
He came back with two ducks and four purple hearts.
This is all part of John Kerry’s plan to appeal to hunters. So what he did was got drunk and shot his buddy in the ass.
Conan
In Ohio today John Kerry went duck hunting. President Bush quickly said it was just a photo opt. The strange thing was that Bush said this while in a flight suit on an aircraft carrier.
John Kerry said yesterday, "In an American election, there is no loser." Uh, earth to John!
It’s gotta be tough for John Kerry. You know what must be tough about losing a presidential election? That last day of secret service protection. I mean, do you even get them for the whole day? You know like mid-afternoon you come walking out of the 7-11, "fellas? Bob? Larry?”
Actually President Bush received a very gracious concession call from John Kerry. And a very gracious collect call from Ralph Nader.
You got to feel a little sorry for Kerry. Not only did he lose the presidency, but he was really looking forward to having Teresa Heinz move into one of his houses for a change.
Wow. What a crowd! You sound like Hillary Clinton when she heard John Kerry had lost.
John Kerry would’ve conceded earlier today, but he had to meet with the French, Germans and Russians first. Get their feelings on the whole situation.
It was a very good concession speech. John Kerry said he’d like to wrap us up in his arms and give us each a big hug. Great. NOW he starts campaigning like Bill Clinton ... maybe if he’d done that in the beginning ...
Kerry didn’t take it too good this morning. I understand he was so upset last night he tossed and turned all night in his tanning bed.
Letterman
John Kerry is in real trouble, though. He really needs to win the debate tonight.
Do you remember when Kerry went duck hunting in Ohio a few weeks ago? I think that was a mistake. George Bush easily carried the duck vote.
Now that John Kerry won’t be president, he can go back to being a senator, windsurfing and being a billionaire.
The bad thing is that John Kerry was looking forward to being president for one reason – spending less time with his wife.
Conan
John Kerry gave a concession speech earlier and said that he wanted to hug all of his supporters. Upon hearing this, Ralph Nader said he was able to hug all of his.
Leno
In the last few days it’s really gotten vicious. Like today the Bush campaign accused the Kerry campaign of distorting their deceptions.
Teresa Heinz Kerry said that Laura Bush has never had a real job. Teresa is a translator. She’s been a translator for two years. Hey, let me tell you, Laura Bush has been a translator for the last 35 years!
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn’t bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.
It’s getting ugly and uglier out there - Teresa Heinz Kerry said she doesn’t know if Laura Bush has ever held a real job. Laura Bush fired back - she said she was busy raising three kids - Barbara, Jenna, and George W. that is a full time job.
Both candidates are trying to scare voters for votes in the last weeks of the campaign. And they’re doing a pretty good job. Voters are petrified that on November 2nd they’re actually going to have to pick one of these guys. What’s scarier than that?
The Kerry campaign announced today they will have "10,000 lawyers at the polls in battle ground states.” 10,000 lawyers. Well, let’s hope you don’t slip and fall on the sidewalk outside a polling place. You could be buried alive in business cards.
Neither Bush or Kerry have gotten a flu shot and both said today they won’t get one. Ralph Nader also said he wasn’t getting a flu shot. Though in his case he doesn’t need one, because he doesn’t come in contact with any large crowds.
Letterman
In Ohio today John Kerry was duck hunting. This was all part of his pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them.
He came back with two ducks and four purple hearts.
This is all part of John Kerry’s plan to appeal to hunters. So what he did was got drunk and shot his buddy in the ass.
Conan
In Ohio today John Kerry went duck hunting. President Bush quickly said it was just a photo opt. The strange thing was that Bush said this while in a flight suit on an aircraft carrier.
