Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Apache Nation Names Kerry "Running Eagle"
(Sent to Us By Martha Harrison)
During a campaign tour of the Apache Nation, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said he had a plan to increase every Native American's income by $40,000 a year.
Senator Kerry refused repeated requests for details of his plan, however, he also told the Apaches that during his Senate career, he has voted YES 9,637 times for every Indian issue ever introduced.
Before his departure, the Apache Tribe presented the Presidential candidate a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Running Eagle".
After Kerry left, tribal officials explained that Running Eagle is a bird so full of sh*t it can't fly!!
(Thanks to Martha Harrison Of Utah)
(Sent to Us By Martha Harrison)
During a campaign tour of the Apache Nation, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said he had a plan to increase every Native American's income by $40,000 a year.
Senator Kerry refused repeated requests for details of his plan, however, he also told the Apaches that during his Senate career, he has voted YES 9,637 times for every Indian issue ever introduced.
Before his departure, the Apache Tribe presented the Presidential candidate a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Running Eagle".
After Kerry left, tribal officials explained that Running Eagle is a bird so full of sh*t it can't fly!!
(Thanks to Martha Harrison Of Utah)
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Leno
John Kerry has called for an increase in the minimum wage. He said people out there are struggling and you can't always fix the problem by marrying a rich woman.
John Kerry has been interviewing possible vice presidential candidates. It’s not an easy process. For each question john asks the candidate the candidate is expected to have two answers.
Everybody thought the Lakers would win. Even John Kerry said he rooted for the Lakers before he rooted against them.
President Bush got some good economic news today: over a million new jobs created in the past four months.
That actually hurts John Kerry, because he’s looking for a vice presidential running mate, and let’s face it, that’s usually someone who’s unemployed and desperate.
Conan
John Kerry was asked to describe his wife in three words. Not surprisingly he said, "My meal ticket.”
John Kerry appeared on MTV and in an effort to reach out to MTV viewers he said the rap and hip hop intrigue him. He also went on to add that one day he hopes to meet them both.
John Kerry has called for an increase in the minimum wage. He said people out there are struggling and you can't always fix the problem by marrying a rich woman.
John Kerry has been interviewing possible vice presidential candidates. It’s not an easy process. For each question john asks the candidate the candidate is expected to have two answers.
Everybody thought the Lakers would win. Even John Kerry said he rooted for the Lakers before he rooted against them.
President Bush got some good economic news today: over a million new jobs created in the past four months.
That actually hurts John Kerry, because he’s looking for a vice presidential running mate, and let’s face it, that’s usually someone who’s unemployed and desperate.
Conan
John Kerry was asked to describe his wife in three words. Not surprisingly he said, "My meal ticket.”
John Kerry appeared on MTV and in an effort to reach out to MTV viewers he said the rap and hip hop intrigue him. He also went on to add that one day he hopes to meet them both.
Monday, June 14, 2004
John Kerry in the middle
(Sent to Us By Ed and Norma Bzdyk)
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.
"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims.
"I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of George Bush on the other."
"This I've gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to Boston."
"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Boston?"
The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of John Kerry - in the middle."
Thanks to Ed and Norma Bzdyk Of Milledgeville Ga
(Sent to Us By Ed and Norma Bzdyk)
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.
"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims.
"I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of George Bush on the other."
"This I've gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to Boston."
"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Boston?"
The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of John Kerry - in the middle."
Thanks to Ed and Norma Bzdyk Of Milledgeville Ga
Sunday, June 13, 2004
2004 Democratic National Convention -- Official Program
(Sent to Us By Ed and Norma Bzdyk)
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:15pm - Condemnation of prayer -Separation of State from Religion Speech
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:29pm - Somebody calls AA and they come and drag Senator to their meeting.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony.
9:30pm - * Intermission *
Caucasuses on anti-business, pro-socialism, growing the government, protecting the cock roaches, ban the SUVs, ban all form or recreation, etc.
10:00pm - Flag burning ceremony no. 2.
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Double gay marriage cermony.
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy returns and proposes another toast.
12:00pm - Nominations from floor for candidate. Ted Kennedy nominates Bush. AA is called again.
12:15am - Condemnation of prayer speech.
Thanks to Ed and Norma Bzdyk Of Milledgeville Ga
(Sent to Us By Ed and Norma Bzdyk)
6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:15pm - Condemnation of prayer -Separation of State from Religion Speech
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:29pm - Somebody calls AA and they come and drag Senator to their meeting.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony.
9:30pm - * Intermission *
Caucasuses on anti-business, pro-socialism, growing the government, protecting the cock roaches, ban the SUVs, ban all form or recreation, etc.
10:00pm - Flag burning ceremony no. 2.
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Double gay marriage cermony.
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy returns and proposes another toast.
12:00pm - Nominations from floor for candidate. Ted Kennedy nominates Bush. AA is called again.
12:15am - Condemnation of prayer speech.
Thanks to Ed and Norma Bzdyk Of Milledgeville Ga
Friday, June 11, 2004
Leno
John Kerry has a new 757 jet to use while he campaigns for president ... did you see it on the news? This is a really cool plane. In the event that Kerry starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.
Kerry told reporters it’s not his plane, "It belongs to my wife."
"American Idol” received a record 65 million votes. 65 million votes! And today Bush and Kerry both started singing lessons.
A lot of people voted twice. Today John Kerry said he actually voted for Diana before he voted for Fantasia.
How many have see that "Harry Potter" movie? It made $93 million over the weekend. The last time a magical young man made that kind of money, he married Teresa Heinz!
In order to honor former President Ronald Reagan, Senator John Kerry has suspended his presidential campaign for five days. Ralph Nader also announced that he’s suspending his campaign ... not because of Reagan, he just doesn’t have any supporters.
John Kerry has a new 757 jet to use while he campaigns for president ... did you see it on the news? This is a really cool plane. In the event that Kerry starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.
Kerry told reporters it’s not his plane, "It belongs to my wife."
"American Idol” received a record 65 million votes. 65 million votes! And today Bush and Kerry both started singing lessons.
A lot of people voted twice. Today John Kerry said he actually voted for Diana before he voted for Fantasia.
How many have see that "Harry Potter" movie? It made $93 million over the weekend. The last time a magical young man made that kind of money, he married Teresa Heinz!
In order to honor former President Ronald Reagan, Senator John Kerry has suspended his presidential campaign for five days. Ralph Nader also announced that he’s suspending his campaign ... not because of Reagan, he just doesn’t have any supporters.
